Ask the Volturi!
by lovejamiebower
Summary: What happens if Aro, Marcus and Caius are deciding to play therapist? And reading the letters of vampires from all over the world? Read this story to find it out!
1. Chapter 1

_**Came up with this awkward thing with barely enough sleep, too much coffee, a lot of homework and me wondering what Aro would tell me if I would tell him 'bout my problems. Well, at least I think Aro would maybe answer some of the questions.**_

_**So, read, comment, hate or love it^^**_

_**////**_

_A hot, quiet summerday in Volterra, home of worlds most feared vampires._

Aro, otherwise known as one of the Volturi leaders, walked happily into the throne room.

"Dear Marcus, dear Caius!", he yelled, a big grin on his face.

His brothers looked at him with their milky, creepy eyes.

"What, Aro? Did you just saw a guy with a brain and where jealous?", Cauis asked, rolling his eyes.

"No, no, my dear brother, I just came up with an impressive idea!", he cheered.

Marcus rolled his eyes. Aro came up with an impressive idea three times a day, and his ideas just bored im to death. As if he weren't already dead-bored.

"Yeah, what today?", he asked. Maybe Aro would just walk away and forget what he had thought about when he told them.

"What about a 'Vampire post office&therapist position'? Vampires could easily write letters or write their problems and feelings down and sent them to our contacts in france. They'll send it to Volterra, because I don't think the Vampires would like to write to the Volturi. Or they could call us with their problems. Demetri could adjust his voice or something. Wouldn't that be awesome?"

"Aro, one question – why should we be the therapist of some crazy vampires? And how did you came up with the idea that anyone of us would write his or hers problems to strangers?"

"I came up with it as I saw the kids on the piazza writing letters to a therapist on a magazine. Just imagine-knowing all the problems of the Vampires all over the world! And reading their letters! How helpful that would be when we fight against them!", Aro giggled. "Nobody needs to know that we are the ones behind the stuff. Just you, me and two or three of the guardians."

Caius was surprised. Unlikely the other times Aro had an idea, he had _really _thought about the whole stuff. And Caius liked it. Manipulate the enemies - expescially the Cullen-Clan. Yes, the idea was just great.

"You know what, Aro?", he grinned."I like your idea. I'm in."

"Really?" Aro was happy now. The first idea his brother aprreciated.

"Yes. Really. And now let's start. The earlier, the better."

With an evil grin on their faces, the Volturi brothers started working. Aro and Caius enthusiastic, Marcus bored.

First, they called Demetri. He was the best one who could get involved, 'cause he could get the ones who wrote the letters or did the calls. He had to swear he would tell no one about their campaign who wasn't supposed to know anything.

Second, the france Volturi guys had to be involved. Marc and Katja, who lived near Marseille, would get the letters and send them to Volterra. They were nearly as old as the Volturi leaders and they fought with them against the romanians.

Third, they decided to name the post office&therapist centre. And they named it-

"POST OFFICE&THERAPIST CENTRE!", Aro yelled, smiling.

"Dude, we can't call it post office&therapist centre. Dear post office&therapist centre. Nobody likes that!", Caius growled.

"Well", Marcus said. "Let's call it 'Aro and Caius are stupid dudes all the time: Post Office&Therapist Centre."

"Why?"

"Because you are. And now stop that. I'm bored. Just call it _Dr. Voltaires' Post Office&Therapist Centre_. That's enough."

"St. Marcus spoke! Dadam! Dear Dr Voltaire. Yay, that's so much better than my idea. Caius, why do you like Marcus more than me?"

Caius said nothing, just rolling his eyes. Aro could be so childish sometimes, it was quite annoying.

And then, finally, the three Volturi leaders needed to promte their campaign. That was easy, as long as you had worlds best tracker with you.

They searched for every vampire they knew of. The south americans, the nomads, the africans, the north americans, the europeans, the asians...they bought a box filled with presents and the best wishes of Dr Voltaire. They weren't sure if she or he were a she or he, but they were supposed to think the writers would know.

When they were finished, Aro sat down on his thrown. "I really hope they will all write soon! I can't wait!"

Five days later, the first three letters came.

/////

_Dear Dr Voltaire,_

_you have to tell me what to do!_

_My wife don't want to sleep with me anymore – it's horrible!_

_She's in love with Edward, my brother, since fifity years ago, and he is with her._

_He married a girl named Isabella, 'cause he hoped our Dad wouldn't notice that he's with my Rose._

_And yesterday she didn't wanted to sleep with me! It was horrible. I mean, I'm okay with the fact that she's with my brother / but what about me? I need someone, too!_

_Help me. Please._

_Goodbye,_

_Emmett Cullen_

_/////_

_Dear Dr Voltaire,_

_I'm a wreck!_

_My partner went away a few decades ago, and his talent with him._

_He could calm my newborn armee down, it was so helpful, and now I have to live without him. But I can't!_

_My armee is trying to kill me, I couldn't believe it when they attacked me and not our enemies._

_I think I'm gonna die here – can you send me Jasper Withlock, please?_

_In a bottle please._

_Lots of love,_

_Maria_

_////_

_Dear Dr Voltaire,_

_I'm going crazy in here!_

_My name is Stefan, and I'm romanian._

_All I want from you is a skin creme. I really need it._

_My paperlike skin is driving me insane, I wish I could just disappear when someone is around._

_While my dear brother Wladimir is planning our Volturi-Attack, I'm writing this, fearing to become invisible._

_So, a creme please, yeah? You Doctors have something like that, right? HELP ME!_

_Stefan_

_////_

_**How will our beloved Volturi react to this lovely letters? Well, you'll see in Chapter 2. And yeah, if you have own questions from other characters – Volturi are allowed too – write them down. I'll surely take them (with your nickname, of course).**_

_**And now, that you've read it - please comment. I think I'm gonna die if you don't.**_


	2. Chapter 2

„Sooo...", Aro said, happily. „Let's answer!"

„Uhm...Aro...you don't really wanna answer this hilarious letters, do you?"

„Marcus, Marcus, Marcus. You are at least 3000 years old, and sometimes I think there isn't even a brain into your head! We are Dr Voltaire – me, the kind one, you, the emotional one and Caius, the harsh one – and we do have an image to loose. I'll take the letter of our old friend Stefan. Maybe I can help him...his problem _is_ very serious."

„Okay, then I'll take the Cullen boy...", Caius grinned. „Everyone's doing what we are saying. I love it."

Sad Marcus just took Marias letter and looked awful.

Aro looked down on Stefans letter, concentrating. He never really liked Stefan - but he had problems. Serious problems. If something was wrong with your skin – something wrong with your life. And he wouldn't even let his worst enemie go through trouble like that. He could imagine how poor Stefan had to feel.

_Dear Stefan,_

_I totally get your point. It must be awful, with paperlike skin. I'm sending fifty bottles of Doves' new anti-aging creme. Most time it's very helpful, so just give it a try._

_Yes, I do have to say that I'm the first one you should ask when it comes to skin care. It's really important, so don't ignore it._

_Maybe you could send me a photo of youself if the creme helps?_

_Love,_

_Dr Voltaire_

The three brothers heard a quiet knock on the door. Quickly the letters disappeared under Aros' desk.

„Come in!", Aro finally said.

It was Jane. „Masters...hello...uhm, Master Aro, do you have a piece of letter paper? And a pen or something like that?"

„Little Jane, since when you started writing letters?", Aro asked, curious, while searching for some sheets of letter paper. He found them between _Dora: the explorer kid_, season one and _War and Peace_.

„Since I heard from - i think I really said enough." Jane looked like she would blush if she could now. As Aro gave her the paper she disappeared a half second later.

„Well, that was...weird.", Aro said, obviously worrying. „I really wanna know what's going on", he sighed.

Marcus rolled his eyes and turned back to Marias' letter. Who cared about the guardians problems? Jane didn't seemed like she were in trouble or something, so who would be interested? Right. Aro.

He didn't even knew why he stayed at the Volturis'. Okay, he totally knew it, but it made him feel bad anyway. Not that anything wouldn't.

_Dear Maria, _he wrote.

_Losing someone important is something I don't want anyone to feel._

_But I tried that bottle thing, you know? I did it a few years before, and I know it isn't working out that easy most of time_,

he wrote, remebering the time he screamed to a bottle it should give him his Didyme. Aro had called a psychologist a few days later.

_If I were you, I would go searching for him. _

_Maybe, if you find him, he'll join you, one more time._

_I don't think anyone could say no...if he truly were yours, he'll say yes, I'm positive about that._

_Good Luck,_

_Dr Voltaire_

Yes. That sounded nice. And true. He looked over to Caius. He giggled and wrote. _Giggling. Writing. Giggling. Writing. Giggling. Writing._

_Dear Emmett,_

_yes, I _do _think that is soooooo rude of your wife!_

_I can't believe she could do something so heartless!_

_So, my tipp is – tell mom and dad._

_Tell them that your brother and your wife are cheating. Tell them it makes you soooo upset._

_Believe me, it helps._

_Dr Voltaire_

„Family Fight!", Caius laughed. Yes, it would be like that. And he would enjoy every second of it.

„Caius, Caius, making trouble won't be helpful!" Aro rolled his eyes. And they said he was childish...

„Well, not helpful, but funny anyway..." After sending Emmett's letter an evil grin, he said: „So, will we submit it now? I can't wait!"

And so they submited the answers, sending them to Katja and Marc. As they returned, the next five letters were in the letter box...

„No letters to other vampires? I can't believe it!", Aro said, truly upset, while starting to read.

_////_

_Dear Dr Voltaire,_

_Hey, it's me, Zafrina, from the Amazons. What would you do if you would have a talent that makes other people see what you want them to see._

_You would think that's cool, wouldn't you?!_

_Yes, I'm sure you would. And know what – nobody thinks that! I can't believe it. Everyone's annoyed of my talent. But it's so great! Can you believe it?! _

_Please, just help me._

_PLEASE!!!_

_Zafrina_

_////_

_Dr Voltaire,_

_hello. I'm so upset right now! My name is Maggie, and I'm from Ireland, living with a vampire named Siobhan und her mate Liam. And yeah. I'm one of the talented ones, you know...I can see lies. And Liam...he's just so...I can't even explain it – good for him he's stronger than me, 'cause sometimes I just wanna punch him!_

_He's making a joke about my talent – telling me lies just to make me feel bad. Yesterday he told me I were looking hot – and I detected it as a lie!_

_It makes me feel worse. Very, very worse. Am I lovely?!_

_Love,_

_Maggie_

_////_

_Dear Dr Voltaire,_

_my name is Jasper Hale and I'm a Cullen. Maybe you heard from our family. Especially about Bella, Rosalie and Emmett. Because what I'll tell you know is about them. And I can't just live with that..._

_Well, it was Saturday evening, and Alice, my mate, wanted to see Romeo and Julia. I can't say no when she's around, so I had to watch it, too. And it were just her, Bella, Rosalie and me watching. Girls._

_And I think you are a girl, so you have to know that. Crying when the movie is getting too sad – and imagine, they did. Or they did, what you can call crying for vampires. Being sad, upset and heavy all the time and that stuff. And they were._

_I'm an emotion controller, which means I can feel their emotions, too. So I couldn't stop doing the same thing. The emotions were to heavy for me._

_Alice could understand, and I love her for this. But the others, and Emmett, as he found out...well, better not imagine..._

_What can I do? Please help!_

_Jasper Hale_

_////_

_Hello,_

_my name is Amun. You may not know me, and that's...well, not surprising. I'm keeping my secrets well from the Volturi. Expescially one of my clan...his name's Benjamin, and he can control the elements. We are training everyday. And yesterday, he punched me. With a big stone!_

_And I don't know what I shoulda do, 'cause I don't know if he's truly MY pupil anymore._

_I don't know if he did it because he don't trust me anymore...or something...what do you think__

_Amun_

_////_

_Dear Dr Voltaire,_

_hello, my name is Kebi, and I'm the wife of a vampire named Amun. And he's, well, kind of woman hostile, and I don't know what to do about. I love him, really. But I'm having the feeling that he isn't respecting me the way he should, and that's what's making me mad...maybe you could just help me?!_

_Love,_

_Kebi_

_**So, here it was, Chapter 2. Don't like it, expescially not the first sentences, and so on. Thanks to Demi, Janiibay and Chelsea aka KateCullen, klaudi96 and Fay (: for the questions&question ideas. I wrote them, but the ideas are theirs. Love ya, girls!**_


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